Standing
outside a peaceful chapel resounding with a heartfelt chorus at a funeral made
me wonder 'What goes on in the mind of a person when he/she watches death up
close?'..... I watched them all stand tall but tearful as my heart bumped with
a damn, you are old yourself....hopefully the chances of me being murdered are
very small....so what next?..... Oh no, not too soon, I told myself because
there is a lot more I want to do this life yet.
My
thoughts went back to the death of someone in my in-laws family many many moons
ago. In fact it was the first death I saw up close after my granny died when we
were quite young. My dad believed life was meant to live and not cry over death too
long. I remember had put on the TV the next day after the funeral. So I just
could not understand why some were beating their chests and crying like no
tomorrow for someone they hardly ever knew or cared about before.... It looked
like a scene out of a Hindi film for me as I stood there with a laughter
bubbling up inside me. I remember I rushed out of the room to hide behind a
door and laugh uncontrollably...Really!!! was I mad, I thought to myself, or was
it just my mechanism to accept death. I recently only admitted this to my
sister-in-law and warned her that if I ever start to laugh at death please tell
people not to be shocked...after all I'm that madcap that can burst out
laughing in grief too!!
So
then what makes me tick-tock on. Is it no fear of death itself, or just shoving
aside thoughts of death or just a morbid fear of dying persons. Yeah, I think
it is the later! I can't handle hospitals and funerals. I turns me to
stone. Maybe I am terribly practical vs. emotional or hiding my hand
under the sand.... How can I fear something that is not in my hand? I
like to think that I am invincible. Silly
thoughts will only add to my worry so for better or worst, I think that
what I may be dreading is not what I want to dwell on ever. After all who knows...
death may not be as unpleasant as one imagines it to be, but on
second thoughts.. if I am dead, I am dead. How does it matter to me... Morbid?
no just practical old me. Think about it.
In
fact sometimes there is just no explanation as to why the healthiest person on
earth or a young person leaves the earth? I wonder if then if staying healthy removes risk of death..maybe to some extent but when the time comes, well !!! so let those fries and burgers keep coming... and
what's that about "rest assured that your memory will live on after you
die if you help the world" ...that's definitely not gonna stay for long.. Then we all know that memories are short and people will move on.... you have to, if you have to survive the mad rush and tensions of this world. So get out of here, cause if you remember me fine, if you don't its fine
too. I'm not coming back to haunt you, right !!
But then, Tupac Shakur said "I don't have no fear of death. My only fear is
coming back reincarnated."... hmmmmm, nice !!! I just might .....
Well, till then, guess I'm just going to keep on experimenting with life and
new opportunities, for today I'm still alive and kicking!!!
