KHUD KO KHOJ RAHI HAI JOH

 

POEM DEDICATED TO WOMEN STILL STRUGGLING TO COME OUT OF THEIR SHELLS.....

                   खुद को खोज रही है जो ....आज की औरत हूँ मैं

ना तेरे हाथ, ना तेरे साथ, ना तेरी कठपुतली हू मैं ....

ना बंधन कोई... ना अंध विश्वास ...

ना नफरत की इजाजत है .....

ना सुनेगी ... ना साहुगी चुपचाप

संगर्ष की आग मुझ में भी है......

मौन हूँ, पर बोल भी शक्ति हूँ मैं

में बंधन को जोडना भी जानू ....

मोद आये तोढना भीना जानू ....

आपनी ताकात खूद हूं...

 मैं आप  अपनी सच्चाई बनूंगी  ...

.......मैं ही दुर्गा, मैं ही काली... मैं चंडिका भी हूं

मैं सत्य, सीख और ज्ञान हूं  .. 

शिक्षक, दोस्त, मार्गदर्शक भी हूं

सीखना भी चाहूं  सिखा भी सकती हूं...

 मैं खुद संघर्ष की कहानी हूं 

....मैं ही दुर्गा... मैं ही काली...  मैं  सरस्वती भी हूं

खुले आसमान में उड़ना  हैं मुझे  .....

कौन हू मैं, खुद से  पूछना हैं मुझे

हर लकीर में नयी कहानी लिखनी हैं मुझे

कुछ सपने बाकी हैं जो पूरा करने हैं मुझे

माँ, बेटी, पत्नी, सब हूँ मैं ... हर कर्तव्य निभाऊंगी ....

परं फिर भी, कभी कभी... खुद से मिलना जाया करूंगी

मैं ही आप शक्ति बनूंगी 

मैं ही दुर्गा... मैं ही काली...  मैं भवानी भी हूं

खुद को खोज रही है जो    

मैं वोह नाई कहनी हूँ

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Horrors at the Movies....

Horrors of horrors ... This blog is about the horror at the movies.... Let me start by sharing some facts that I read on Wikipedia about the beginings of the horror genre. I quote : "The first horror film on record is LE MANOIR DU DIABLE ( mad in 1896), created by one of film's earliest visionaries, georges méliès." Fast forward to 1923, when Universal Pictures started producing films with horror and mostly gothic elements. The first film of the series was the Hunchback of Notre Dame and there on many followed from all over the world. In my country, India, it is said the first real horror movie made was Mahal in 1949 by Kamal Amrohi, but the badge of honor according to me, should go to the Ramsay Brothers who have made more than 30 horror films in India and will always have a place in Bollywood’s hall of fame as the pioneers of horror.

Not everyone enjoys the horror genre because when it comes to  horror films, it is often cited as the reason of  nightmares and  physical reactions such as sweaty hands, tensed muscles, rise in blood pressure or heart rate.  Some people don't like to watch horror movies because they have bad dreams thereafter and there are those too who don't like sleeping in the dark alone. Bollywood and Hollywood films have found their audience and it is not surprising that with the advent of the 3D format the screams are getting louder.  I for one, will never forget the Ramsay films, from  Purani Haveli to Bandh Darwaza and today's films such as Bhoot, Stree and Tumbaad. How can we forget The Nun, IT, The Conjuring, Nightmare  on Elm Street and even Jaws, Titanic or Towering Inferno. Did I say, Jaws, Titanic? You may ask why.. Well it has certainly put the fear of the sea into me and I refuse to take cruises no matter what.  That's scary for me....

The fear of the unknown...the slow buildup of suspense, dead walking, screams and those horrifying faces that pop out of nowhere....that sound or figure that calls out to the friends, walking them deeper and deeper in their own death trap….that nail biting finish when someone manages to escape the jaws of death........ They are  tapping into our fears and doing their best to scare us out of our wits.. That’s horror films for you….

But I wonder what goes on in the minds of those who watch horror movies..  I, for one have a lot of questions to ask especially when it comes to Bollywood …

·         Why does the girl always need a shower in the dead of the night?

·         Why do the lights never work at night?

·         Why is the ghostly woman always in a white gown?

·         Why do they step out of the house at night into the fog or rain? 

·      Why do they go down to the basement in the middle of the night to investigate mysterious   noises

·        Why do they carry that candle to look for that singing voice do they not have a torch...why? if they are not that brave should they not  just go back to sleep!!

·         Why does a black cat always spring out of nowhere?

·         Why do they continue to hang around the bhootia ghar or haunted house the next morning   even after the scary night?

And most importantly, why do they trip and fall for no obvious reason and just can’t seem get on their feet. Why then do they not get up and run instead of crawling backwards screaming “nahin ..nahin” looking up at death.

Besides I would never be caught dead wearing those long nightgowns. How in heaven’s name would I be able to run if I were the victim. Why would I follow the ghostly figure walking at death’s pace. I would have left that haunted place the very next day.  Am I just thinking too much about details. I think I am. The trick is to let the imagination truly let loose in horror movies and I guess the magic would be lost if everyone was as analytical as me. Besides if things got solved at a drop of a hat then the movie would end within minutes, would it not?

I know of many friends who refuse to watch horror or scary movies. Now with the advent of 3D and different types of technology, horror has take a leap straight into the minds of its audience. But where there is good,  there is also the bad. Such as disturbed sleep patterns, keeping you excited and probably distressed too. It could also impact your mood, and your ability to think clearly. So you choose your poison.....Guess what? There are some excellent benefits too of watching horror.... It can help you cope with anxiety... Enhance your brain activity  and makes us more alert for a while.. It is said to even boost  your immune system ... and best of all it can burn nearly 200 calories at a time. Good to know because now I can just hog and hog and then watch one movie and loose 200 calories. No more dieting because apparently the internet says that it is equivalent to calories in a chocolate bar, or a 30-minute walk. So horror films might actually be good for health, after all. How super is that.

Everyone has been afraid of the dark some time or the other and even more so if we are out of our comfort zone, say on a holiday, where the hills are dark and deep and the night sounds are unusual.  Try telling a horror or ghost story to your companions out in the open around a campfire. The changing colour on some of the faces around you will turn more deadly than the ghosts  being spoken about….and don’t forget about that poor old Peepul tree believed to be the home of ghosts especially at night (wonder where they go during the day??). Superstitions have a place in our lives whether we admit or not and it is these that become the masala in the horror movies. Remember the fear of number 13. Hold on,  what do I do now cause I am born on a 13^th. 

Remember that victim who comes tottering in with a knife in his back to deliver a long dialogue and collapse without telling practically anything of value or that dead victim who wakes up to  grabs the ankle. Those yucky creepy, crawly things, that phone never works and neither will the car ever start. Not to forget the spooky music and  most important of all and a must have is the “cross”.....use your fingers to make a cross if you must. You lose that you lose your life.

You know what I have realised watching horror. The last survivor is always a woman. Most men are somehow not capable of surviving in a horror movie.  Is that not just the most awesome thing?  So kudos to all us women out there cause we are always survivors. At home I have my own little horror show, my daughter, who loves the macabre. The more the oozing blood, the more the zombies, vampires, supernatural... the more the ghosts, the more the curdling scream, the happier she is.  And it is not just her my husband too. The possession of just about every damn thing will keep them glued and totally desensitized to fear. Oh my, I just realized that I live among the possessed.

Some people, like my daughter are always wired to watch.. While some like me choose to watch a choice few and some not at all. After all horror is designed to scare, make you  panic, alarm you and summon our hidden worst fears. No matter how many times I try to kill the urge to watch there is no escape now with the onslaught of films available on OTT platforms and as I have said before I have a horror freak at home. Thanks to my daughter, I will be enticed and pulled into the darkness and  mystical world of horror… after all mere bhi bheje mein chemical locha hai!!  and when I am watching that knife in the hand or that person about to step towards the noises coming from the cupboard probably where the unseen horror is hiding, all my analytical skills get tossed out of the window. So until the next film lights up mine and your screen, I guess it's....  “be afraid, be very afraid.”....... “whatever you do, don’t fall asleep.”.....  

My new love - Podcasting

 

I've always been on the lookout for new opportunities to stay connected with life and people ... and in a lighter vein, finding new things to do to make my days fun and on a continuous journey of learning, I hit upon my new love - podcasting.

A fairly new concept in our country, podcasting, previously known as audio blogging, dates back to the 1980s but with the coming of age of the broadband access it caught on big time in the late 2004s. Wikipedia says that MTV video jockey Adam Curry and software developer Dave Winer are credited with this innovation. Adam Curry wrote a program and thereon developers improved upon his idea and podcasting was officially born. US is currently the most advanced podcast market and though podcasting in India is at a very nascent stage at present, it is catching up.

Connecting with people especially those achieving new boundaries has always fascinated me and besides I really do love to talk. So when friend,  spoke to me about his podcast, I was fascinated. I troubled him until he taught me the ropes . I googled and read a lot of articles and tips and so on about podcasting (very important to do so) and when I felt confident that I could, took it a step forward, started my podcast: crossleggedwithhiramehta. Icing on the cake, I got encouraged to record my podcasts at a dear friend's studio. Not wanting to record unprepared and with no proper script and clear thoughts, I wrote out 10 episodes and was on my way with, "Hi, I am Hira Mehta and welcome to an intro to my podcast crossleggedwithhiramehta, where I will be talking to you about anything and everything that life throws at us.... There is nothing in life like second innings, second chances or second childhood.. It's just this one life... Live this one life in the 'now' with me..." and ending the podcast with a "Namaste" ....and why not!!! Let everyone know that there is a chatterbox out there from India too !!!

It is another thing that I would really love to edit the episodes to add more thoughts/ insights and that always happens. You always feel you can better your work in the hind sight, so I lived with these 10 episodes and began to better them from the 11th one onwards. My podcasts touch upon life topics such as .....friendships and whatever does the word friendship even mean...... saying no without the guilt...... death and having anxious thoughts about it..... tolerance vs intolerance..... internet woes and mobile addiction... health and exercise, my way... decoding laughter.... why fairy tales no more...an interview of dementia also short film making, and so on. The podcasts share my thoughts on the subjects and a few thoughts on tackling it too. Each episode is a maximum of 10 minutes each... and that is not too long, right? I definitely don't want the listener to have to listen to me droning endlessly in their ears.

Things are not the same anymore, right from the way we interact with each other on social media, treat the environment, even polluting the air we breathe. As individuals there is just that much that we can do to make huge differences in society and surroundings so it is a good idea to perhaps start with ourselves first. Often we think, this seems to only happen to me or why me? so in my podcasts, I talk about these little troublesome things because I am just human as you are. I do believe that if we together can make our own lives better and breathe easy, it will be enough to take on the bigger issues. Podcasting for me is sharing gyaan in a positive, inspirational and with a touch of my own experiences and humour, my way!!! Even if one listener get inspired listening to me then I am happy sharing for sure. Besides it has connected me to a wonderful group of podcasters on the Facebook page and I am learning so much more from them. It offers me an opportunity to connect to more people all over the world in the podcasting scenario, just like social media, and hopefully to more listeners in the near future. Today I have already 23 episodes up and going.

So tune in every Monday after 9 pm to crossleggedwithhiramehta on anchor.fm/hira-mehta, headfone.co.in, Apple.com, Google.com, Breaker.audio, Radiopublic.com where I will continue to talk about you, me and anything and everything life throws at us.....  I believe there is always a scope for improvement and so if you listen in then do comment too to help me better myself...if you have a topic you want discussed,  write in to me .... and yes, till we meet again - Namaste !!!

MOTHER’S - ALL WE NEED TO KNOW AND DO IS.....

Every year Mother's day comes and goes like all other days, but I never stopped to wonder about its origin. I did not need to ... Mom was no more and for me that day meant missing her terribly and remembering her... I do not know what prompted me to look for facts about this... perhaps because it was that day again - January 18th - the day I lost her to an accident. Perhaps I was missing Mom more than usual today .... 

Unbelievable but true, I read that history says Mother’s Day started as an anti-war movement in the 1850s by Ann Reeves Jarvis. Ann Reeves Jarvis had initiated clubs to improve sanitary conditions, lower infant mortality and tend to wounded soldiers during the US Civil War.…. but it was her daughter Anna Jarvis was responsible for what we call Mother's Day in 1908. For Anna it wasn't a day to celebrate all mothers but a day to celebrate the best mother you have ever known and sadly it is said that she spent most of her later life fighting what it had become - a commercial event. 

No matter what history says I do believe that Mother need to be celebrated every day just because they are the one person God created to take care of things when he could not... you know that saying "God created God cannot be everywhere so he created a "MOTHER "...... 

"The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children"~ Jessica Lange 

How true is that ...let me quote a few lines from my book YOUNG AND SIXTY (Page 95)..... 
"My neighbour's words still ring in my ears saying "your Mom used to pray, take me instead".... I truly believe that God listened, because my brother-in-law did live many years thereafter, perhaps the number of years my Mom would have....... Mom was true to the word and meaning of "Mom", a selfless, loving human who sacrificed her wants and needs for her daughter..... " 

........and then there are those Hindi films ... those very filmy mothers that make mothers seem like they are meant to be sacrificing lambs to the slaughter and never ending drama queens ....that torn white saree, that frame in the hand and "Mere bete aayenge, mere Karan Arjun aayenge..zameen ki chaati phad ke aayenge, aasman ka seena cheer ke aayenge," really??? ........or then that never ending coughing mother on a sewing machine.... but then it could also be that sophisticated mom who turns and opens the door that exact moment the son is standing at the door "aaaa aa aa ..kabhi khushi kabhi gam" types......or it would be  the most favourite doting mother.... Way back in my times, all mothers were the suffering sacrificing types....and there used to be that one eternal mother in every second film, namely Nirupa Roy, with the most popular dialogue ‘Mere paas Maa hai!’ today to her credit..... then there was that ever messed up hair and unhappy faced Leela Chitnis.... that ray of hope the "aaye meri zohra jabeen" Achala Sachdev ...the dimpled Durga Khote.. and Mother India Nargis who stands out as perhaps one in very few as strong willed mother who sacrifices her son for truth...... and then there was that mother that probably no one would ever want to celebrate mother's day with, Lalita Pawar, the wicked and scheming mother+mother-in-law.... 

.....but mothers are mothers at the end of the day .... in English we say Mom, Mum, Mummy, Mommy, Mother ...in Hindi we say Maa .... in Marathi we say Aai....and believe it or not Wiki says that in Japanese the word is Okaasan or Haha (Haha? now that's a good one indeed).....and so on... No matter how we address them, they make us who we are and we need to  thank them for being there for us every step of the way... 

So you decide what's the best way to celebrate your mother.. Whether it’s a phone call (they always are waiting for that, you know),  or taking her out to lunch.......There are a million ways to celebrate her for who she is,  but end of the day, just add that little spice... words that all that all mothers need is to hear - "Thank you for all you've done for me” ...“I am glad you are MY Mom” .... and don't forget to ask her “What can I do for you?”, though I guarantee she will say "I am fine and I don't need anything".... The next coming Mother's Day think simple love..... Remember its cool to be seen with her because her unconditional love won’t stop no matter where you are ....no matter how hard you try ....or how old you ....or how far away you are living .... Remember a simple phone call if you are too far away or tight hug and a "I love you, Mom".... that's what they are waiting for... that's all I want to tell Mom (wherever you are) and that is all I am waiting for too.

Cooking.... The LAZY way out!

After a long long time, I got into a local train and memories came rushing back as I stood there looking at the harrowed and tired face of women rushing back from work.  A sudden feeling of déjà vu and I went back thirty five years ago to those days when I jumped into the local at Churchgate to get a seat. Life is not easy when you are working and I know this because for years I too rushed home to manage the kitchen and bring up my two devils. It was a whirlwind life and believe me when I say that even then we were crushed like sardines in a tin in the locals. 

Planning the menu in the head whilst travelling and grabbing on to the handle in a jam packed fast train to deciding the stuff to buy as soon as I get off the train. Did that help? or was I just too jealous of those women sitting in the train peeling green peas and breaking the beans into smaller pieces. That was indeed the way to go but then I needed a seat in the train for that, right!!!  That most awful time of running home to make a load full of dough for the rotis for my in-laws family of eight.  Just forty odd ones too.... Oh yes, I would be the one to reach home first most times so always got started with the help of my mom-in-law. That phase lasted for many years till we decided to hire a cook... and when I moved to my place it was the saviour - the bread.. and why not, after all I was a parsi and parsis ate bread and always had the eggs handy. Eggs, my utmost favorite comfort food till date, so easy to cook up.  I remember a friend at work asking me one day why do we put eggs on everything from bheenda par edu, to tomato par edu, to saali par edu and he got a rap on his knuckles for being cheeky enough to ask whether we put egg on our dal and curry too !!!  Oh yes, I love those instant products available today.  The non-veg and veg instant mixes available in easy packs. The delicious chicken/mutton masala mixes - chettinad, malai, butter, moghalai, tandoori - .name it and its available and the same masala works beautifully for vegetables too... After all it is just a marketing strategy to say non-veg and veg because it becomes non-veg only when the non-veg is added...ha ha ha.... Love it even today ! Just 10 minutes of defrosting and mixed up with my meat and popped into the cooker.

It wasn't that easy when I was a kid though... I still remember all those Sundays when Mom slaved in the kitchen making those masalas, storing garlic and ginger paste, storing the curry masala and even fried onions. Those many weekend masala grinding childhood days when Mom would sit us down to peel the garlic and slice onions in what seemed like kilos and never-ending.  That going to the bazaar to get the stuff for the week and then washing it all to make smaller packs of the meats and freezing it.  Then there were those days when I stared at those crabs trying to crawl out of the vessel and I actually volunteered to wash fish. Many still do that till date but it is all about to each her own. 

And then there is nothing wrong with innovating with leftovers by just adding tomato puree and making it a gravy dish with rice or making your own jhatpat “bhajias” out of left over vegetables and plonking them into tomato/onion puree or even kneading them up in the dough. That worked for me… these shortcuts did.  Rice was meant to be left over to turn into delicious pakodas with tea the next day. Till today I deliberately ensure that rice is left over to be dunked into loads of curd and made into pakodas!

Do I love to cook you may ask and do I? Well, as a kid I did go to baking classes and my younger sister still remembers the aroma of breads and cheese straws baking in the oven.  I love baking and do that off and on, but not much of cooking because when your daughter takes over the kitchen and feeds you with "FOOD" the way it is meant to be, then there is no need for shortcuts, is there??

Follow the leader !!! Yes or No?

I have been a part of The Indian Association of Secretaries and Administrative Professionals for a decade now. IASAP encourages continuous learning and development of secretaries and professionals through monthly meetings, networking and educational trips.  Recently, IASAP offered its members to participate in an essay contest on the topic "Supporting Leadership Responsibly" and I participated. Even though I did not win the contest, here is what I submitted on the topic and now that there is no constraint of word count... Well, I am adding a few words more here and there too!!

The word leadership to me reads as two words 'leader' and 'ship' which means to get a 'ship' to sail safely to the shore there has to be some to 'lead" it there. Can a ship float on its own without directions from the captain and support of the crew?  Most definitely not and that got me thinking back to my days of working at the bank. My portfolio of handling annual reports (for over 12 years) was no mean task. It required me to co-ordinate between content providers, agency, manage the flow of corrections between the content providers and the agency with deadlines and standardisation thrown in with a lot of stress. Even though I had my superior to support me and it was my project, I wonder whether I could make a claim to fame and whether it could have been effective by my efforts alone. Not at all, because it meant leaving the "me" behind and working alongside each and everyone, at every level of the bank to get the work done. I always believe that good leadership and team work can far outweigh what an individual can achieve.

Uncanny but just before this contest form dropped into my mailbox I had been surfing facebook. I love listening to Steve Harvey, Ellen De Generes (who I prefer to call Ellen the Generous) and Jay Shetty  so when a video by Richard Pimentel in a on The Daily Goalpost face book page dropped it caught my attention.  Richard Pimentel says, "I learnt leadership by being a good follower. I had a leader who asked me to risk my life in Vietnam. We were up this hill and trapped and Sergeant said it is our responsibility to stay there. I said responsibility? He said 'do you know what responsibility is Richard? It is a word make up of two words - the word 'responsible' and the word 'ability'. Responsibility is not what one puts on you. It isn't your job description or your job responsibility or a paper you sign. We all find ourselves looking at situations and we all find ourselves with abilities and what we have to ask is, given the situation what t to those abilities", and at the end he added these poignant words "Leaders do not get people to believe in them. Leaders find ways to get people believe in themselves".

Author Alan Zimmerman says, "Employees were expected to park their brains, shut their mouths and work their 40 hours a week. In the new world, employees are expected to take responsibility to use all their talents and to perform with excellence". So then how does a professional like you and me do that, I ask? Is it just about responsibility, performance or consistently trying to stand out for what you can bring to the table or is it more? I firmly believe that it is not just about the willingness, commitment, completing tasks on time, motivation or even the positive attitude. To me, most importantly, it is about being happy with the work you do. It is a little more than that too. If you cannot align yourself to the company's vision and mission and if you do not respect or believe in your leader and in his leadership, then the bigger picture is going to be missed altogether. Appreciate the fact that good leaders know when to lead and when to step back because that is why they are leaders! ... and on your part be the support who believe that leader is also concerned about them. After all as a saying goes "a perfect employee is the one who inspires his boss as much as his boss inspires him".