My mind has a mind of its own!!!

My mind has a mind of its own!  It most certainly does.. It never stops talking and that second track that mostly sings.. But what do you do when your mind doesn't stop singing and playing antakshri.. when you try hard to make it stop and tell it to allow you to sleep but it won't... Forget it, I've told 'stop' to myself often  enough and after all what  worst can happen. Well nothing I can think of for sure... And what is the best that can happen. Hey, I can win an Antakshri competition for sure. The last thoughts in your mind before you sleep turn into dreams and often return to you in the morning when you wake. Thoughts during the day build up into a chatter in your mind and it's all that anxiety, fear, unanswered questions, confusion,  judgment, etc. they say.... In my case it's just not any of this because there is no one to judge, no fears, no confusion. I am retired and free to do as I please so then what??

So how do I stop talking to myself or singing that song over and over and over again..... should I tell my mind to wander elsewhere, perhaps start solving word puzzles (which I do) or meditate or turn to spirituality to calm my racing over active mind. Did I say meditate? Did I say turn to spirituality? Let me quote something I wrote in my book YOUNG AND SIXTY (do pick a copy!!) and it's just about me with due respect to others. 

"My friends often suggest I consider yoga, art of living, meditation and I would like to think that it is my spiritual growth they are talking about. I definitely make it a point to strike them off my friends list, if they just mean to say, "you are old now and so you should". Some of us see it as a spiritual journey that should begin, while some prefer to journey into the past and reflect about what is still to come. As the years pass, a fear of the unknown grows stronger by the day and we begin to lean on God.  If it were really possible to talk to God today, what would you say to Him and would He even bother to listen? I do not know what you feel about this but I am a firm believer in talking to God. I fight with him too on a regular basis and I firmly believe that he listens to me. Yet for someone like me who believes in the power of prayer, I still can't see myself meditating or sitting in silence."

Then when I am singing or talking to God, is it because of stress. Let me quote my thoughts from my book yet again...

"The only way to handling stress is perhaps to control that wandering and over imaginative mind. It is not at all easy, because mine never stops talking to me even when I lay my head on my pillow at night. I keep running over conversations in my head and in the morning I find myself remembering all the conversations that I have had and with whom. I can be a little nuts at times, but that’s fine by me as it is not impacting how I feel or behave. Talking to myself is actually my way of clearing my cobwebs. I love talking to myself and in fact it helps me write my stories and scripts better too."

Google search says that psychologists believe they have figured out exactly why certain songs tend to stick in our heads more than others. The phenomenon according to them is called 'involuntary musical imagery' more commonly known as “earworms.” .... Earworms????? Oh yes, I do most certainly have loads of those keedas in my head, but they are mostly about getting out there, having fun and making new friends and memories. Then it is also said that singing and talking to yourself isn't just normal but it is good for your mental health too... That's good the hear. So I guess I am okay looking at things differently, making up weird questions and think up even weirder answers to that in my head. Again quoting from my book... Well, I have written one so why not?..  and it has all these thoughts on living life in the now, so yeah, why not? Have you ever tried having mental fights with people who make you miserable. I advise you to do that. I do that all the time, especially when I don't want to argue standing there and then with that irrational person. I just simply go home, have these big mental fights in my head with that person in my mind at night. I know that if I did that face to face, it might make it worst, so it's just me and my mind arguing it out with that person in my head till I am spent.... and soon I find myself letting go and then it just does not matter anymore.

I love to meet people, make friends, love to touch hearts and keep on wandering to seize more opportunities on the way. So what's up with me and what's my mind up to? Should I be worried? I thinknot for I think I've got it. We are just happy talking and singing together to release this too much energy I have these days after retirement.... With a mix of singing and talking....arguments and decisions... I think we are doing just fine. There is nothing wrong with my mind having a mind of its own.... AND ofcourse my heart has a heart of its own too, but that is another story....

.................and so it's time for that dramatic moment overused phrase in movies I'd like to say to you, "If anyone has any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace".

LET'S TALK ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH NOW !!

An invitation on a discussion on Mental Health in whatsapp from a friend caught my eye. The words "Mental Health" meant nothing to a mad bawi like me. It's a given (ha ha ha)........ Me being Me, with a zest of life, always wanting to meet, greet and make more friends, I decided to go to know more about 'Mental Health' that everyone is talking about today.... Actually, if I were to honestly admit, it was just that there were also those two women I just had to meet again - Meera and Sonali.

I must admit that the beautiful auditorium at Godrej's India Culture Lab, Vikhroli, really blew my mind. A pod cast with Nikhil, Aalap and Cyrus Sahukar "Work in Progress Episode 1 - The Anxiety of Choice" was being premiered. Aalap, Cyrus and Nikhil tackled this paradox through some sensible and meaningful ..and some crazy banter. All my friends know that I love taking notes of points that touch me and keeping them with me, but sadly I could not separate names and voices.. Here are some of the nuggets I jotted listening to them, but don't ask me who said what !! They talked about how generations had no choices earlier while today there are choices, choices and choices (oh yes, how I agree with this one). Not to mention that according to one of them today it is a white room with no floors and ceilings.. I totally agreed with their point on 'everyone looks back and thinks the other generation had it better'. As men, they agreed that while women were allowed to express their feelings, men were not allowed to feel sad about anything and if they did it was invalidated immediately. Nikhil made a very valid point saying that when he lost his mobile, others seemed to think that there was more to life than losing a mobile and more worst problems others faced.  I must admit that this really made me sit up and think.  How true is it that we often disregard someone else's problem as unimportant and insignificant without realising that maybe for that person it means a great deal. Nikhil had not lost his mobile but he had lost a script he had been working on that mobile. I asked him after the event and was sad to know that he had not managed saved it elsewhere. Think about it.... Is it not a fact that we seem to be not understanding about how much something affects another just based on our assumptions of the situation. Here is where each one of us needs to step up for our friend, family and others. Don't we say one man's meat is another man's poison. Not saying more on this, here is a link of the world premiere episode and live podcast for you :  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjisCI-ial8 .... but wait here is one message that really will stay with me forever. Everyone seems to believe sending out messages to the Universe is a sure shot way to get what you want.  Well, one of them just burst the bubble with, "The Universe is not like Ramu Kaka waiting to take your order"! .... and yes, if you figure out who said that then let me know !!

The panel on stage was Sonali Gupta, Clinical Psychologist, Ranaboli Ray, Founder & Managing Trustee of 'Anjali' Mental Rights Organisation, 104.8 IshqFM RJ Meera Dhamji and Nikhil Taneja, Writer & Storyteller.  Each one of them had battled their own demons and therefore each word that they said, is everything you need to know.  Nikhil shared something that happens to all of us, but we don't really sit up and take notice of it.  He remembers panicking at a world class event and how he could not just get himself out of bed to get there thinking about the worst things that could happen like, he would not get there in time, his suit was not right, he would say the wrong things and so on.  Most of us get these panic attacks but if it passes we are fine, but as Nikhil says when it became too difficult to handle, it is time to take help. He also mentioned how we take "mood swings" lightly and should not as these are triggers and must be addressed at the earliest. As for Sonali, she shared how she had spent her childhood practically living in hospital where her father was admitted and how she began to understand trauma, depression and more, enough to be able to be able to help others today. Meera shared a story of one of her listeners, unhappy and depressed at being unable to conform to society norms of sexuality and not being the son his mother wanted. 

We all have been hearing that mental health is a big issue in these days of stress and so when it starts affecting your personality, social interactions and you get depressed often or get frequent panic attacks, it is time to seek help. We don't do that do we.  We pretend all is good and then move on with our lives till one day you just break down. Did you know that apparently there are just 2500 trained psychologists in our country and that the number people affected by it is increasing each day. When I retired, I knew I would have a lot of time on my hands and for me 9-5 routine meant a great deal because it kept me busy and weekends just were my recycle craft days. Today, all days are recycle craft days (ha ha) so I started writing, blogging, keeping busy by attending events like this one on Mental Health, meeting people, making selfie memories (adore this part), making friends (top on my list) who gave me so many opportunities to do more... and I truly believe in reinforcing belief in my capabilities cause it is my way of dealing with my time and energies today. No, I am not preaching or saying I know best, but simply saying that one has to understand limitations, appreciate change or make the change and find that space that is YOU.  I've said enough, so am going to let the panel speak to us through what they shared.  Here are the nuggets from them to help understand Mental Health....

 Sonali Gupta says..

•  'We become labels we put on ourselves..
•  'Therapy is about helping clients finding their own answers...'
•   'Embracing the fact that sometimes there are no answers..'
• 'Watch out for strained relationships, couples anxiety, loneliness and burn-out'

Sonali Gupta is a Clinical Psychologist and Practising Therapist  who works with people struggling with behavioural,depression and emotional concerns, sexuality related concerns, Psychosomatic issues and  around the science of intuition and self-esteem  - https://www.guptasonali.com

Ratnaboli Ray says.....

•  'Self awareness... Believe in yourself.. Be the subject and the object yourself..'
•   'We talk in a language less threatening to make women in far flung areas to understand mental health..Everyday behavior should not be a label of mental health'
•  'Please make list of 5 people you can reach out to even if you have not met for years...'
•  'Coming out is a difficult task... It's about self awareness... What is your emotional landscape.. Do you not get into the trap of 'thinking'..
•  'Realising your potential, productivity, dealing with stress and somewhere opportunity also plays an important role especially for people who live in the margins of society who get no chances or opportunities.'

Ratnaboli Ray, is a leading advocate for the rights of people with psychosocial disabilities (mental health conditions) in India. Founder & Managing Trustee of 'Anjali' Mental Rights Organisation - Website:www.anjalimentalhealth.org

RJ Meera Dhamji says .......

• 'Even if we up number of mental health officials until we don't have a conducive environment, then we are not doing right'
•  "On radio, I have to be the person who listens to what you are saying. Sharing personal stories help heal"
•  'Anything that keeps you from being the person you want to be'

'Heart To Heart, With Meera' is all about real conversations with listeners. Monday To Friday, 10pm - Midnight 104.8 @IshqFM

Nikhil Taneja says ..

•         Listen.. Be kinder on a day to day basis'
•          'Not every second of our time needs to be used.. Find what makes you feel the moment has purpose....
•          'Sadly, the moment you say mental health people think psycho'..
•          'Chasing the next goal.. next high.. If working its fine. The moment your plan does not work out..Pause, Feel..There is more to life...'
•          'Misplaced ideas of happiness dependent on someone else, something else. We never realise it is something we have to discover ourselves.'

Nikhil is an Independent Writer- Producer-Storyteller- Teacher-Consultant for Digital/Film/TV/Ads