We, Women!

There are so many posts, tweets and so many discussions on what women want from their men, women equality at work, women empowerment, etc. etc. Well, I am a woman and when I got down to thinking what is it that really matters I realised that not much but a handful of things.

Alright, just maybe about a 1000 things starting with being the only important thing of a man’s life – yes, this is the most important part......also understanding, caring, have eyes only for me (very very important!!). Tall dark and handsome.... okay…maybe, but there is now an add-on to that phrase- ‘with 6 packs’- and why not? Don’t men look for the sexy, smart, tall and beautiful? Don’t forget romance, respect, time and commitment - that’s a big bonus.  Not to forget showing interest in our careers, likes and dislikes - that goes a long way. Remembering to say that we look good as often as possible, in fact every time you see me because we never forget!!! … if we are quiet don’t think you’ve won the war cause it’s just the storm whipping up….we will be angry and moody about many things, but stick around…and please don’t think our life rotates around you and we can’t live without you, because we just make you feel that way … For heaven’s sake better listen when we talk to you, we are not talking to the walls… Commitment and emotional connect, if you understand what I am saying!!!

On the other hand, give us space too for career, financial independence matters, even fun time with friends and most definitely self-worth. Remember juggling home and career is not a circus act easily done. Women have been living two lives for centuries. Generations ago, women worked at home looking after their families but today women (the stay-at-home moms) are also working out of their home. Of course, the children and husbands remain top priority and even do if the woman is working outside the home.  At, out of or outside really makes no difference to the woman. That’s what we women do admirably and will continue to do so. After all we are “super woman” and “super employee” rolled into one finding a way to balance a challenging career with family responsibilities. Pitch in if you can, and if you can’t just flow with it because there are countless things on our minds and we are chronic worriers on a tight rope. So, cut us a little leash!!!

And to all my women friends out there…. about those feelings of always having to make things work in a man’s world. There are and will be many who still think a man can do the job better than the woman. Don't let them ever get you down because you could either give up or just find a way to succeed.. and succeed you will because we get it right the first time around…It’s a never-ending tug of war that we are going to have to survive... After all who said it better than Helen Rowland “a woman need know but one man well, in order to understand all men; whereas a man may know all women and understand not one of them”.

Besides all that inequality and discrimination between men and women are age-old never ending issues with many a forums, associations and movements….but today we are no longer apologetic, hesitant or ashamed to stand up for ourselves.Tears are no more our weapon and we are stronger today taking control of our own happiness …and let us not forget those gritty women we cross on a busy street, working at construction sites with babes tied to their backs, or at the hospitals, fish market or at malls who deserve a big round of applause too. You will never see them complain about the atrocities they suffer or about their meagre difficult lives as today they too are as empowered as any of us.

An anonymous quote says:

            Women really do rule the world and they have just figured it out yet. 
            When they do, and they will, we’re all in big big trouble.

Let me just rephrase it a bit:

          Women really do rule the world and they have just figured it out. 
          Now that they have and just did, everyone is in big big trouble 

6 outstanding women entrepreneurs share insights from their journey with existing & aspiring entrepreneurs

One day I hit upon an interesting face book page “50young” and  knew it was just meant for me. Sure enough it turned out to be a platform for 50+ and raring to go women just like me….and the focus of the group? It simply focuses on productive, progressive and empowering activities, conferences, forums and groups offline and online.  

Founder Anita Gurnani and her co-founder son Anand has opened up a world of learning and interaction for me and the 50+. It did not surprise me when I learnt that Anand started his first venture when he was 15 and today best known for his persistent evangelism of the Indian Animation Industry in India and Internationally.  Anita on the other hand is the wonderful connect who has over the past months connecting women like myself to women like myself with unique and innovative programs like workshops, walks in the morning for good health and even a smart phone training classes, etc.

Networking and interacting with others in itself a big motivator and even more when you hear stories of entrepreneur achievements. 19^th November was one such motivating day. 50young organised an Entrepreneurship Forum and unleashed motivation par excellence with six outstanding women entrepreneurs sharing insights from their journey with existing and aspiring entrepreneurs. Let me share with you a bit about and nuggets from each of the speakers.

Dr. Suju George of "OR organic living" worked in a corporate until she found her calling. The fields of her hometown in Kerala beckoned her and she turned an idea into a reality of bringing organic food to the doorstep. Having spent her childhood there, she realised that farming was somewhere deep inside her and today she is striving to bring home grown vegetables free from pesticides, etc. to our homes. On starting a business in the golden years, she says "for me at 60+ the risk taking capability is very high. Nothing to lose, only Dare, Dare to win". Suju shared her thoughts about manifesting an idea into a business reality the dos and don’ts of starting a business and the importance of learning to brand your products, creating its identity and most importantly the legal aspects to be taken care of when moving from home business to enterprise with all the women entrepreneurs

On the other hand, here was Suman Srivastava a maverick soul who grew up in an affluent family but turned to social work and today has helps treat over 20,000 people annually free of cost. For her it's not about the money. She says "it's so easy to know others but very difficult to know ourselves". She remembers how she felt the first time she sat down on the floor amongst the needy and how she felt when the layer of dirt and grease covered her finger as she went on to treat them for their pains. While sharing her extraordinary journey and thoughts on the many kinds of entrepreneurship and how to scale up your start up, she joked that she considers herself a quack but in fact she is indeed an extraordinary woman with a purpose. She is the founder Director of Healing Touch Research Centre working in Health Care, Education, and for the betterment of Senior Citizens. She has organised medical camps, national conferences on health, nutrition, education, science development and even climate change. A trained expert on Marma Vacuum which is a therapy that works with 108 points in the body to open up energy channels, she continues to serve and help eradicate pain of others.

And then there was the extraordinary full of life and humorous, Kalpana Talpade, the woman chef behind Kalpana's Kitchen. Kalpana spoke about following your passion and doing what you love and brought a smile to each of our faces as she shared her journey from working in an office to pushing herself into competing with the men folk to learn programming and computer technology to starting Kalpana’s Kitchen.  Her determination to learn and excel is what has helped her today to record, edit and load her own videos all on her own.  What started out as a video for her family is now a YouTube sensation with over 3000 subscribers and is probably the best place to find homemade food recipes from deserts to snacks to dinner. Kalpana shares new recipe videos every Tuesday and Fridays as also handy hints & tips also on how to improve your culinary skills.

Milestones & Insights in my 20 year Journey as entrepreneur with Neelam Sethi of 'tinSelwinkel' boutique with the catch line 'from fabric to finish' learnt her craft in Amsterdam. She realised that she had time on her hands after her kids grew up and  decided to put her learning and talent to use in a professional way. Her friends always waited to see what she wore for she claims every outing deserved a new outfit which she cut and sew one day prior and wore.  Starting off small, her amazing sense of colours and fabric today has kept her connected with her over 1200 loyal clients. The loyalty of the people who are working with her since inception is a reflection of her caring for them and she on her part spreads the joy by taking them on an annual picnic or 5 star outing. She explores the world of fashion in a unique way and it was an inspiring to hear what talent hidden in the boundaries of the home can do.

Out of the confines of the home came another home grown entrepreneur - Nafisa Kapadia of the Bohri Kitchen fame. Here was another amazing story of entrepreneurship success. Opening her home to an event experience in home cooked food, Nafisa shared the joy she brings to her guests. This community meal venture is run out of her home at Colaba where authentic Muslim meals are served in the traditional thaal to groups of guests. Nafisa cooks the meals herself and is a generous host who gives away goody bags too - now that’s what I liked! What was heart warming to hear was that the individuals around that thaal at the end of the meal become friends for life after sharing and exchange thoughts over the two hour meal. Staying unique and original is the mantra according to her and most importantly  personalizing consumer experience

The last speaker, Mona Doctor of The Integral Space questioned and challenged us to think who area and we where are we. According to her Individuality is undivided in thoughts words and action. Returning to the Journey of balance is what she spoke about. Her own life story full of challenges today has her opening her heart to holistic and integrative health, creative expression, artistic exploration, and personal transformation at her initiative -The Integral Space. Mona shared simple tools to making our life for peaceful, focused and purposeful. The best tip she shared for calming oneself including insomnia is humming to yourself just as a baby does when you are rocking him to sleep and most importantly “learn for the sake of learning without expectation”

It was a learning experience and as Anita and Anand rightly summarised, “The 50Young Women's Entrepreneurship Forum was an empowering experience for all those who took part and for the organizers as well. It was Inspiring, it was academic; it was professional, relevant, full of witty repartee and uniquely humorous. 

Join the facebook page 

Who says people have stopped reading & writing!!

Most of us like to read and some maybe some don’t... Even though reading helps understanding instructions on a jar, filling out applications and most importantly getting onto the right bus or train. Reading a book is a magical experience and happy reading to those who like to…… but who says people have stopped reading and writing? Let us leave the children out of this one.

Take me. I love to read and write. Maybe not a book but I read every morning, every afternoon, every evening and every night before going to bed? My day begins with reading the newspaper and then voila the mobile…starting with whatsapp…sms…..then face book ….then twitter and then instagram. Then everything I read and feel about, I write…I write on whatsapp, face book and sms and yes I tweet too and the cycle never stops.  I am the most well read person in the world!!! Everything I need to know is there for me to read daily and updating faster than I can keep up. Besides don’t forget the biggest bonus, I make friends and more and more each day and the reading and writing never stops.

What’s more I have realised that I have turned into the most creative person too.  I create cards for birthdays, I write messages for anniversaries, I send videos for information. I sometimes even create my own video message and send. There is absolutely no difference for me between stories in a book and the stories I share. They are more true and more from the heart each time. In fact my writings are just right for every occasion and you, my friend, get it when it needs to be shared. 

They say a book is a gift you can open again and again, but personally, why would I want to when there is so much new and interesting stuff to read with the flick of a finger. Think about it.  Reading can be quite a meditative lonely habit while reading is also an interaction that keeps the mind alive and responsive. You write, I respond. I write, you respond. The more I read, the more I will know about you and the more we will write and share.

I do profess though that till the digital world hit me, I read and read and read all the books I could lay my hands on during train journeys from office to work and back each day. Today I see the same thing but it’s not a book it’s the mobile that’s taken its place.  I do agree that books are truly a man’s best friend. So all readers of books go ahead and get lost in the wonderful world of words.  Book lovers enjoy your books, while today I enjoy being a SWIFT lover (Sms, Whatsapp, Instagram, Face book and Tweet lover, you see).  

See you sometimes on the SWIFT train. I am waiting.

Laughter is the best medicine- who ever said that!!

Laughter is the best medicine- who ever said that. Some might say that laughter is a medicine to hide a hurt, some will say it frees me from sadness, some say it is an exercise to keep happy. Some fake it at social events.

So let me think this through. No one feels like laughing when they lose their spouse or job, no one sees the humour when someone is shown the door or when a relationship fails or when life throws you a bad curve.  Then how can it be a medicine. Such a myth isn’t it? Think about it. When did you last feel like laughing at such misfortunes? If you did laugh then it lasts only for a small window of time till those thoughts come rushing back. Laughter is simply is a means of distracting oneself at that time, that moment and then back to square one….but then there is the flip side to this medicine.  I for one can laugh at anything even myself and that I learnt from my late mom. My Mom never failed to see humour in anything. Walking down to the market with her was a humorous day as she could find something to laugh at. Some might say laughing at someone else’s expense is bad- how rude, but we laugh because mom taught us to laugh at ourselves and to make others laugh. I remember that day when we, sisters and cousin brother were sitting at her 'death' prayers in the fire temple when a young boy came in to pray and our eyes watched this gawky boy as he walked around praying..... and then it happened. Instead of touching each foot of God's photo, he spreads his index and middle finger and places one each at the feet and we burst into laughter and my cousin says “if Mami had been here she would be killing it laughing”.

Laughter is good and happy memories that sometimes burst forth. It is free fun and probably the best way to be de-stress. It is totally contagious and you can never escape that smile.  Laughter will definitely not remove the pain but it will lighten the burden if you let it.  You can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you’re laughing because it’s coming from the heart and not forced. People swear by its positive health effects and there are laughter clubs today making it truly the best medicine and I agree that there is a great deal of positivity in that thought.  So while it’s clear that some events are truly sad and not occasions to break into laughter, there are on the other hand, indeed some that deserve a dose of laughter medicine. There will be loads of those who can’t see humour in what you see. Think of those times when you are watching a movie and people around you are laughing hysterically and you are thinking “what’s so funny about that”. And it’s not like you can’t enjoy a good laugh but at that moment it just revolts you. You know, I have faced that myself and analyzed that situation and have realised that most times I don’t laugh in a movie it is because I am not in a mood to or tired, or had a hard day and just not relaxed enough or genuinely just can’t appreciate the humour. It’s just “ME” in that moment.  After all, we are all different anyways and we all laugh at different things, for different reasons or at different situations, don’t we?  So don’t carry that overpowering feeling of sadness or too much of pretend happiness....... after all it your life. Laugh only because you want to, when you want to, however loud you want.  It reminds me of a song from Mary Poppins "I love to laugh" that goes :

I love to laugh

It's getting worse every year

The more I laugh, the more I fill with glee

And the more the glee

The more I'm a merrier me

.......It is plain and simple. Laughter is a medicine for you to use. It is your choice when and where to use it. 

Background score in films- it matters !!

I accidentally pressed the mute button! And the TV went silent........ only action, no sound......and it was then that I realized what sound meant to a film and even more what background score meant…It brought back a memory of a film with the most unusual background score. Kahte Hain Mujhko Raja, a 1975 film with Biswajeet as the hero, fighting Shatrughan Sinha the villain. Those were the days when the words Dhishoom & Dhishkyaun a punching sound effect was used in fight scenes and the sounds were clearly dubbed by a human.  However in this film the filmmaker decided to get unique. After all Dhishoom, is a sound when you hit with your hands, so he thought what should be the sound effect if you are kicking the villain with your shoes…and so there goes Biswajeet to the man-made sound of “Boot, boot” ……and goes on to alternate between Dhishoom and Boot Boot. I almost collapsed in my seat laughing. No, I am not lying cause I never ever forgot this!!!

Like a good comedy, I do believe that timing is everything. It is the background score that makes you ready to feel and anticipate what we can't see yet and then our imagination begins to take flight and makes up the rest. The score send chills down the spine making the hair stand on end as the different sounds, like that of thunder, a creaking chair, or footsteps on wooden staircase, which of course by themselves are not frightful but when combined with these effects manipulates the mind to anticipate and maximize the terror unfolding on screen. This in itself then becomes another ball game.

Those were the days when sounds of walking down a staircase for example, were made by people stomping their feet or coconut shells cut in half and stuffed with padding used to make horse hoof noises in a recording studio. Then there also came Hitchcock's deadly film “Psycho” that changed the sound of horror music, and the famous stabbing shower scene became a must in every horror film made in Bollywood. I remember one such funny shower scene from Purani Haveli or one maybe its another Ramsay Bros film (I forget the name but the not the scene) which I must share. Of course its a shower scene where the deadly half-cut hand comes crawling out of the batroom drain to the clanging of the drain cover, crawling across the floor, until it strangles the bathing beauty (ha ha ha)!!! With every moving scene background score became relevant whether it was the traffic noise, a running train, a screeching car, slamming of doors, swishing of curtains, gunshots,  rain, thunder, lightning especially those for the fight and rape scene so Bollywood.  Sholay is perhaps the best film to understand background score. How can one forget that outstanding scene where Gabbar kills the family and Master Raju stands turned to stone with the swing swinging to and fro as Gabbar rides his horse downhill with the clip clop sound creating  a sense of one actually being there and feeling the pressure and fear? Or when glass bottles are broken for Basanti to dance on or the very first scene when the train pulls into the station? Without these crucial background noises, our films would feel unnaturally quiet and feeling-less. And who can forget that piano, a permanent fixture in the haveli, playing ominous tunes in the dead of night or the tinkling sound of the chandeliers swaying back and forth. Who can forget the empty swing of the film Mahal or the white saree-woman walking around the haveli with candelabra in the hand to deadly background scores or songs. On the other hand, there was also the sweetness of the flute? Remember Rajendra Kumar in Geet or Jackie Shroff's Hero, where the flute is suggestive of the love between him and the heroine.

I for one always felt that one of the major reasons for the failure of any film was ineffective background music. I for one, yes, pay complete attention and appreciate the sounds in film and am always aware when the soundtrack fails the scene and never forget it either…… but other film-goers I am sure, most likely, don’t even notice and probably not care either. If they did they would realize that it plays a huge role in creating the entire ambiance of the films. It is the soul of the film and carries the story ahead and merges with the story. Just imagine scenes without ambiance sound. Take a few of films for example. Can you imagine Dhoom without its dhoom dhoom and bikes roaring sounds or even Jaws stalking the waters without that deadly music build-up or imagine Sholay’s scene between Amitabh & Jaya without the mouth-organ playing or the very silence before AK Hangal says “itna sanaata kyon hai bhai”. Most filmmakers know this and use it to their advantage to heighten drama.

Action and  emotions are entwined and when the score is used skillfully it can cover up for a lot in a film, but some of the film makers just ignore that aspect using ready made ghise-pitte tracks used for hundred years or totally mismatching the scenes........ and yes as I said before, I do notice.  If film makers realize that there are more like me out there paying attention to the background score of every scene then maybe, just maybe, they would treat  background music with a bit more of seriousness for the entire film. After all the background music can make or break the best of a film if not used effectively in a film.

Films.......Make .....remake !!!

A news item in the paper today “Twenty two years on and it’s….. “, and again remake time for Shahrukh Khan’s Darr that got me thinking.  Why would a director or an actor attempt to recreate magic that’s immortal on celluloid? Can anyone other than King Khan go K..K…K…Kiran again?? The list of remakes, however, is endless as Zanjeer becomes Zanjeer, Hero becomes Hero, Mr.India becomes Mr. X, Himaatwala becomes Himaatwala again, Golmaal becomes a Bol Bachchan, Don becomes Don again and again. Have creative juices really disappeared from the industry or is it just pure laziness or is it just let’s try it one more time. Sometimes I think yes and sometimes I think it’s neither of these and wonder.

Inspired or otherwise!!! .A remake is a remake no matter how much of mix and match you do… and hey we are still around. We are those very people who have seen the earlier version and will be around to see the new one too. Besides the remakes are claimed to be “different”  with the songs choreographed differently na, and I am expected to dance with joy?  Really, when I am sitting there thinking the steps of the song is so unconnected to the words!!! So what if the hero is singing “chunaari chunaari” and there is no chunaari seen for miles.. I ask why, oh why does the ever melodramatic sick mother, or villain taking the sister hostage, two best friends fighting over one girl and illogical sequences that is so Bollywood go missing….. And either use the original songs to revive the magic (we are alive you know yet) otherwise please do spare us unnecessary tracks and definitely do not add item numbers.  It’s too repetitive, distracting the storyline, boring and a waste of time and today everyone is in a rush.

If makers do not understand the heart of the film and what made it tick, obviously a remake is bound to fail. After all it’s we, the audience that kept the memories alive of favourite bits of the movie you chose to rehash, re-cook and serve it up again.  You should realise, that a movie in its totality is very rarely loved. It’s a song, a dance move, a dialogue, a scene, an actor that make it all a success and memory, so  careful when you cut, edit  or try to visually recreate the magic. Then there is that belief that the actor will use his own mannerisms,  his style and persona to give a dialogue/film a new look but that too, my friend, can fail miserably. Remember what “Jab tak baithne ko na kaha jaaye sharafat se khade raho ... yeh police station hai ... tumhare baap ka ghar nahi” sounded like when Amitabh Bachchan said it (shivers down the spine) and then here comes Ram Charan Teja… and need I say more!!!!

History sometimes however does repeat itself too and remakes do perform superbly such as Agneepath, Don, Devdas. Why? Simple, it was Hritik and Shaharukh !!!!! These films did justice to the characters and the story of the originals and the casting was just right. Then we have the disastrous ones, remade from English movies such as a Kante/Reservoir Dogs, Ek Ajnabee/ Man on Fire, The Killer/Collateral, God Tussi Great Ho/Bruce Almighty. Obviously the makers think “kaun dekhta hoga yeh sab English, Korean, Japanese films” and that too in the far flung remote areas of our country, but guess you forgot about that up to date net savvy urban audience.  I somehow do believe, remakes are for sharing with the younger generation the magic of cinematic success in a revised format true to times of today….but if you are thinking that you have cracked it then just don’t forget with the advent of the internet every movie is out there and being watched and so easily connected to what is being seen on celluloid.  Imitation is the best form of flattery and re-hashing the drama just because the film is in another age and time zone justified. Yes, I got that, but at end of the day I am going to compare?

That is when I begin to question and ask, what is the need for me to watch the same old wine in a new bottle?  Why would I want to see some young actor rehash and crush my memories of say an Amitabh Bacchan in Zanjeer or Don?  So what if the hero is singing in the valleys of Switzerland instead of the Film City sets or cars are flying into the sky instead of rolling down a hill …and so what if hero is throwing twenty people into the air to fall in slow motion instead of breaking through brick walls in the studio……End of the day, a remake is a remake…..is a remake.

They call me an Alzheimer patient

Dedicated to all those suffering with Alzheimer....All we need is to understand and hold our hands out to them................Dedicated to Sailesh Mishra, Silver Innings for his fantastic work and dedication in this field....

Oh maan meri, where do you wander?

Kehne ko toh saath hai tu, aye maan, par saath nahin

Kuch dhundhali yaadon mein kho gaya hai tu kahin

Meri duniya mein, sirf main hun , sirf main

Anjaane se veerane,  koi awaaz nahin

Tum kaun ho joh aaye ho aaj paas

Mere dost ho, dushman, ya mere koi khaas

Din raat, raat din, aur nahin koi mere saath

Kaun bhool gaya mujhe,  kisne choda haath

Savera na hoga, Shaam na hogi is man mein

Kehne ko to saath hai tu, aye maan, par saath nahin

Mind oh mind, you are with me, but not with me anymore

You are fading memories that were my life for sure

It’s just me and only me that I recognise

Dark and forlorn, a heartbeat that’s no more mine

Memories that flash by, disturb and never last

Is it today I remember or is it the long gone past

Eating away at the person I must have been

The loved ones, hard work and life I must have seen

I recollect things I cannot change that aren’t real

Flashing thoughts, shadows and words that fizzle

Oh mind of mine, where do you wander?