My friends, the change makers..giving hope!!

Opening newspaper in the morning is getting scarier by the day for most. Greed, protests, intolerance and acts of hatred, abetment to suicide, murder, molestation, missing paintings, confusing justice!  Forget natural calamity- that’s something we can’t do much about but just look at negative news, one after another, about insensitive humans being thrown at us. It's a very disturbing trend. Some of these headlines in the social space make you nauseous and wonder what’s happening to society and people around us.

Is there no good news to share anymore at all? Is there no Hope?  Things seem to be falling apart in everything around us. A few days back, I get a whats-app message that says “If you take into consideration all the signs, there is no mistaking that we are living our last days and its the end of time. Surrender to the Lord.".. but where is the Lord. I thought he resided in my heart- so what next? I hate negativity and often wonder why people share messages of doom instead of hope.

So I decided, I am going to take you on a walk into the realm of hope as there is a lot of it still out there. It is in fact, I realised, right next to me in my own little world. Call them by any fancy name - activists, leaders or change makers but for me they are just my friends who give selflessness and hope a whole new meaning altogether. Let me introduce you to some of my very own awesome change makers, I call friends.

RJ Anirudh Chawla, Big FM, who saved a life by landing up at a suicidal listener’s home after receiving a call and feeling uneasy about it. Prerana Langa, Yes Foundation, spreading the hope of social change and smiles through 'Yes I am the Change' films. Shivani Khetan who started Expresso Café with a simple thought and simple beginning of getting people to share their life experiences over a cup of coffee and coming forward to inspire others. 

Then there is my unassuming shy friend Dipesh Tank who found a woman lying covered in filth with burn injuries and helped her get back to a life of dignity. He undertakes school book drive for a village and runs to the rescue of citizens in need of help at the drop of a hat.  The dedicated Sailesh Mishra with his Silver Innings Foundation and a vision is to increase the involvement of senior citizens and enhance their dignity in the community apart from working relentlessly in the field of Dementia and Alzheimer. 

Then there is Indrani Ray (and a bit of me, too) of Arunima women’s forum to interact and exchange thoughts on issues concerning women in the Lokhandwala Complex area; Remila Puravankara, Taksheel Foundation, working to educate slum children and adults  in the age group of 5yrs to 40yrs coming from neighbouring areas of Lokhandwala Complex; Ramaa Subramaniam creator of Silver Innings Helpline, first of its kind one-stop portal for seniors & Pride Club;  Anita & Anand Gurnani of '50young' bringing new adventures and learning into lives of the 50+, Raheen JJ of NGO ‘Open your Arms' healing psycho-social problems faced by children; Bindu Bhonsle working for development of the less fortunate and in need; Sona Kumar of Sona Sarovar Trust improving the living condition in the rural areas through water conservation, employment, education, health, awareness; Sapna Bhavnani involved in women empowerment projects and working for the upliftment of women and children. 

There are so many more of my friends working for education, environment, girl child, etc. In fact in every field that we begin to think is eroding and losing hope. I can go on and on taking their names. Thankfully, even though the morning paper makes me wonder each day, I am really never depressed at all and neither have I lost hope at all because I am personally already walking the path with most of them  and blessed to be around them.  After all it is up to us, isn't it, to go out there and make good things happen around us. 

Besides, when push comes to shove and things seem dark, I know for sure that  there is loads of goodness in all of us and a wonderful group of my friends out there, happy to do the good deed. I know there is Hope and true caring people that deserve a big salute.

Be the beacon of light in someone's darkness....

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile

Compilation of my thoughts and random musings....

Compilation of thoughts and random musings of mine that I have posted on face book over time…………

v  God clearly says I have charted your life and the end of the road leads straight to me; but he has never said you can't choose your path or take a new road to change your destiny 

v  Nothing is permanent. Be prepared to be thrown off track anytime anywhere. The trick to survive is to grab whatever comes along and get on board and move on

v  All it takes is one good deed and then it’s just a burst of warmth in the heart

v  Love thyself first for a happy you is a good human being and friend for others around you

v  Nothing sentimental or heartwarming can be foolish. Besides that is what makes memories in your life time

v  Who said life does not give second chances... It just is not called chances but renamed to read as new opportunities!

v  Distance never breaks a friendship or a relationship and closeness not necessarily keep a friend. If feelings are mutual, true and honest then it is  always long lasting

v  Who knows better about things better than you? If you are satisfied then nothing matters.

v  When you are down and out and feeling lower than the floor, don't let anyone get you up. Dust off and stand up yourself.

v  His hands couldn’t move, His legs couldn’t too…But the smile on his face and laughter in his voice made up for the movement in his life

v   Divinity has no colour it’s just a mix of colour of love and compassion!

v   When you are able to listen and react without getting annoyed or losing your own confidence, it is only then that you can turn it into a wake up call for yourself. You might not like what you hear but it'll bring you back to reality.

v Out of the blue sometimes comes a new dawn with a new hope. Be ready to embrace its wonders and greet it.

Tolerance, Intolerance and Me

Tolerance ..... Intolerance...a never ending debate. So what is tolerance?It is just the willingness to tolerate those opinions or behavior that one just does not like or agree with. Do I have a right to talk about tolerance and intolerance when I myself first am unable to tolerate a lot of things and can’t tolerate some in my own home and surroundings forget as far as the things happening in the country….and yes it does disturb me when things happen in the country but let me just share my thoughts.

There is a long personal list of likes and dislikes or as we call it tolerance and intolerance now….I can’t tolerate the attitude of the women who claim we Andherites can’t travel in a Virar local.  I made the cardinal sin of getting into one and standing near the door and at Dadar became the target of intolerance.  I was threatened that Andheri would not be by destination and she promised to take me to Virar.  I don’t know what part of me rose to the occasion but all I did was say “No problem at all, take me to Virar. I will come home with you have a cup of tea and take a train back”...and the laughter that filled the air defused the situation. Not only was I patted on the back but respectfully allowed to get off at my destination……small mercies….

I can't tolerate the sound of the pigeon on my window each morning (need an air gun badly)....I can't tolerate hypocrites and discrimination....people wasting their precious time and talent......grumblers....the double parking in my Lokhandwala Complex (but who cares...and yes I tried ..but rule says if driver in car - can't be towed)....and hey am I not tolerating the sometimes utterly stupid things people in my life do... wet blankets are wet blankets no matter what.....and I even have actors, films I like and dislike ...So if I say I don’t like an actor, I am allowed to say so na without being bashed or pulled up for it!  I have been waiting for that actor to stop spreading his arms out to the sky leaning over to one side or going hmmm mmmmmm while my intolerance screams out Sholay ka famous dialogue "yeh haath mujhe de de thakur".  Everyone has a tolerance level within then, and well that’s just how much I can take from him. This is just one simple immediate thing that upsets me and aggravates me so what can I say about things larger than life that are happening? Yes, I can't tolerate a lot of things happening in my neighborhood, my workplace and of course our country too...

Do we really live in a society that allows us to do what we want our way and express our opinions freely. There are norms and guidelines that need to be followed at home, workplace, etc. much to my like or dislike.  Take the simple example above about the actor and I can tell you that I lost many a friends on that one joking comment. There are so many voices out there vehemently expressing their views and saying how can you say such a thing when the whole world swears by his talent. But hey, it is just that one thing I can’t tolerate. Did I say I don’t like all of his work or that all of his films don’t work for me? Matter closed and here starts my pent up intolerance and given one little opportunity I become the first vocal voice in that intolerance movement.  That according to me is just what is happening around us.  People who are unable to express their views freely and made to shut up are the ones that look for opportunities to express when an opportunity appears. The burst of pent up emotions and thoughts then flow faster than the largest river of India.  

Issues that can change the face of the earth, our surroundings and are for our good definitely need to be supported. Movements that don’t allow me to eat what I want, wear what I want, speak the way I want (so long as it is sensible) are not to be tolerated because they are our fundamental rights. Aren’t they? Then it becomes my choice to live with it or protest. We are a democracy and in a country with so many different cultures and so many different languages that it is quite impossible for all of us to walk the same path.

What is this about “how dare you criticize the country that has given you so much?” So am I just supposed to take everything that makes me uncomfortable sitting down. Rather a silly thought because everything in life is based on an individual thought or a personal experience and that is something that matters a lot.  It has nothing to do with what others feel but just if this experience or thought matches the mob, then need I say more. I have a right to my view and it is up to the other to accept or disregard it. On the other hand, I am of the strong opinion that people in power; people whose words matter, people who are looked up to have to be extra careful with their words. Of course, they have the right to feel hurt and angry but somewhere along the line, I feel, that is way past for them, as they now shoulder the responsibility of being mentors, and idols to many and every word they say matters.

Changes and improvements are necessary. I can't tolerate a lot of things happening in our country too. I just heard that Delhi plans to allow cars to ply on roads based on their numbers - odd and even- and on particular days only. Is that the solution of traffic control? Good thought but what if I have an emergency, what if I am going to work daily by car. Please don’t say car pool, as no one’s working hours match with another and people don’t have time to wait for one another after all everyone has to get home to children, etc.  How is it going to help? The smart ones will find a way around it. Stupid me also will buy one car with odd and one with even number. Problem solved or increased? So now if this is enforced in my city will I accept it? Will I grumble? Will I be tolerant or intolerant? I need to think seriously about it.

We, Women!

There are so many posts, tweets and so many discussions on what women want from their men, women equality at work, women empowerment, etc. etc. Well, I am a woman and when I got down to thinking what is it that really matters I realised that not much but a handful of things.

Alright, just maybe about a 1000 things starting with being the only important thing of a man’s life – yes, this is the most important part......also understanding, caring, have eyes only for me (very very important!!). Tall dark and handsome.... okay…maybe, but there is now an add-on to that phrase- ‘with 6 packs’- and why not? Don’t men look for the sexy, smart, tall and beautiful? Don’t forget romance, respect, time and commitment - that’s a big bonus.  Not to forget showing interest in our careers, likes and dislikes - that goes a long way. Remembering to say that we look good as often as possible, in fact every time you see me because we never forget!!! … if we are quiet don’t think you’ve won the war cause it’s just the storm whipping up….we will be angry and moody about many things, but stick around…and please don’t think our life rotates around you and we can’t live without you, because we just make you feel that way … For heaven’s sake better listen when we talk to you, we are not talking to the walls… Commitment and emotional connect, if you understand what I am saying!!!

On the other hand, give us space too for career, financial independence matters, even fun time with friends and most definitely self-worth. Remember juggling home and career is not a circus act easily done. Women have been living two lives for centuries. Generations ago, women worked at home looking after their families but today women (the stay-at-home moms) are also working out of their home. Of course, the children and husbands remain top priority and even do if the woman is working outside the home.  At, out of or outside really makes no difference to the woman. That’s what we women do admirably and will continue to do so. After all we are “super woman” and “super employee” rolled into one finding a way to balance a challenging career with family responsibilities. Pitch in if you can, and if you can’t just flow with it because there are countless things on our minds and we are chronic worriers on a tight rope. So, cut us a little leash!!!

And to all my women friends out there…. about those feelings of always having to make things work in a man’s world. There are and will be many who still think a man can do the job better than the woman. Don't let them ever get you down because you could either give up or just find a way to succeed.. and succeed you will because we get it right the first time around…It’s a never-ending tug of war that we are going to have to survive... After all who said it better than Helen Rowland “a woman need know but one man well, in order to understand all men; whereas a man may know all women and understand not one of them”.

Besides all that inequality and discrimination between men and women are age-old never ending issues with many a forums, associations and movements….but today we are no longer apologetic, hesitant or ashamed to stand up for ourselves.Tears are no more our weapon and we are stronger today taking control of our own happiness …and let us not forget those gritty women we cross on a busy street, working at construction sites with babes tied to their backs, or at the hospitals, fish market or at malls who deserve a big round of applause too. You will never see them complain about the atrocities they suffer or about their meagre difficult lives as today they too are as empowered as any of us.

An anonymous quote says:

            Women really do rule the world and they have just figured it out yet. 
            When they do, and they will, we’re all in big big trouble.

Let me just rephrase it a bit:

          Women really do rule the world and they have just figured it out. 
          Now that they have and just did, everyone is in big big trouble 

6 outstanding women entrepreneurs share insights from their journey with existing & aspiring entrepreneurs

One day I hit upon an interesting face book page “50young” and  knew it was just meant for me. Sure enough it turned out to be a platform for 50+ and raring to go women just like me….and the focus of the group? It simply focuses on productive, progressive and empowering activities, conferences, forums and groups offline and online.  

Founder Anita Gurnani and her co-founder son Anand has opened up a world of learning and interaction for me and the 50+. It did not surprise me when I learnt that Anand started his first venture when he was 15 and today best known for his persistent evangelism of the Indian Animation Industry in India and Internationally.  Anita on the other hand is the wonderful connect who has over the past months connecting women like myself to women like myself with unique and innovative programs like workshops, walks in the morning for good health and even a smart phone training classes, etc.

Networking and interacting with others in itself a big motivator and even more when you hear stories of entrepreneur achievements. 19^th November was one such motivating day. 50young organised an Entrepreneurship Forum and unleashed motivation par excellence with six outstanding women entrepreneurs sharing insights from their journey with existing and aspiring entrepreneurs. Let me share with you a bit about and nuggets from each of the speakers.

Dr. Suju George of "OR organic living" worked in a corporate until she found her calling. The fields of her hometown in Kerala beckoned her and she turned an idea into a reality of bringing organic food to the doorstep. Having spent her childhood there, she realised that farming was somewhere deep inside her and today she is striving to bring home grown vegetables free from pesticides, etc. to our homes. On starting a business in the golden years, she says "for me at 60+ the risk taking capability is very high. Nothing to lose, only Dare, Dare to win". Suju shared her thoughts about manifesting an idea into a business reality the dos and don’ts of starting a business and the importance of learning to brand your products, creating its identity and most importantly the legal aspects to be taken care of when moving from home business to enterprise with all the women entrepreneurs

On the other hand, here was Suman Srivastava a maverick soul who grew up in an affluent family but turned to social work and today has helps treat over 20,000 people annually free of cost. For her it's not about the money. She says "it's so easy to know others but very difficult to know ourselves". She remembers how she felt the first time she sat down on the floor amongst the needy and how she felt when the layer of dirt and grease covered her finger as she went on to treat them for their pains. While sharing her extraordinary journey and thoughts on the many kinds of entrepreneurship and how to scale up your start up, she joked that she considers herself a quack but in fact she is indeed an extraordinary woman with a purpose. She is the founder Director of Healing Touch Research Centre working in Health Care, Education, and for the betterment of Senior Citizens. She has organised medical camps, national conferences on health, nutrition, education, science development and even climate change. A trained expert on Marma Vacuum which is a therapy that works with 108 points in the body to open up energy channels, she continues to serve and help eradicate pain of others.

And then there was the extraordinary full of life and humorous, Kalpana Talpade, the woman chef behind Kalpana's Kitchen. Kalpana spoke about following your passion and doing what you love and brought a smile to each of our faces as she shared her journey from working in an office to pushing herself into competing with the men folk to learn programming and computer technology to starting Kalpana’s Kitchen.  Her determination to learn and excel is what has helped her today to record, edit and load her own videos all on her own.  What started out as a video for her family is now a YouTube sensation with over 3000 subscribers and is probably the best place to find homemade food recipes from deserts to snacks to dinner. Kalpana shares new recipe videos every Tuesday and Fridays as also handy hints & tips also on how to improve your culinary skills.

Milestones & Insights in my 20 year Journey as entrepreneur with Neelam Sethi of 'tinSelwinkel' boutique with the catch line 'from fabric to finish' learnt her craft in Amsterdam. She realised that she had time on her hands after her kids grew up and  decided to put her learning and talent to use in a professional way. Her friends always waited to see what she wore for she claims every outing deserved a new outfit which she cut and sew one day prior and wore.  Starting off small, her amazing sense of colours and fabric today has kept her connected with her over 1200 loyal clients. The loyalty of the people who are working with her since inception is a reflection of her caring for them and she on her part spreads the joy by taking them on an annual picnic or 5 star outing. She explores the world of fashion in a unique way and it was an inspiring to hear what talent hidden in the boundaries of the home can do.

Out of the confines of the home came another home grown entrepreneur - Nafisa Kapadia of the Bohri Kitchen fame. Here was another amazing story of entrepreneurship success. Opening her home to an event experience in home cooked food, Nafisa shared the joy she brings to her guests. This community meal venture is run out of her home at Colaba where authentic Muslim meals are served in the traditional thaal to groups of guests. Nafisa cooks the meals herself and is a generous host who gives away goody bags too - now that’s what I liked! What was heart warming to hear was that the individuals around that thaal at the end of the meal become friends for life after sharing and exchange thoughts over the two hour meal. Staying unique and original is the mantra according to her and most importantly  personalizing consumer experience

The last speaker, Mona Doctor of The Integral Space questioned and challenged us to think who area and we where are we. According to her Individuality is undivided in thoughts words and action. Returning to the Journey of balance is what she spoke about. Her own life story full of challenges today has her opening her heart to holistic and integrative health, creative expression, artistic exploration, and personal transformation at her initiative -The Integral Space. Mona shared simple tools to making our life for peaceful, focused and purposeful. The best tip she shared for calming oneself including insomnia is humming to yourself just as a baby does when you are rocking him to sleep and most importantly “learn for the sake of learning without expectation”

It was a learning experience and as Anita and Anand rightly summarised, “The 50Young Women's Entrepreneurship Forum was an empowering experience for all those who took part and for the organizers as well. It was Inspiring, it was academic; it was professional, relevant, full of witty repartee and uniquely humorous. 

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Who says people have stopped reading & writing!!

Most of us like to read and some maybe some don’t... Even though reading helps understanding instructions on a jar, filling out applications and most importantly getting onto the right bus or train. Reading a book is a magical experience and happy reading to those who like to…… but who says people have stopped reading and writing? Let us leave the children out of this one.

Take me. I love to read and write. Maybe not a book but I read every morning, every afternoon, every evening and every night before going to bed? My day begins with reading the newspaper and then voila the mobile…starting with whatsapp…sms…..then face book ….then twitter and then instagram. Then everything I read and feel about, I write…I write on whatsapp, face book and sms and yes I tweet too and the cycle never stops.  I am the most well read person in the world!!! Everything I need to know is there for me to read daily and updating faster than I can keep up. Besides don’t forget the biggest bonus, I make friends and more and more each day and the reading and writing never stops.

What’s more I have realised that I have turned into the most creative person too.  I create cards for birthdays, I write messages for anniversaries, I send videos for information. I sometimes even create my own video message and send. There is absolutely no difference for me between stories in a book and the stories I share. They are more true and more from the heart each time. In fact my writings are just right for every occasion and you, my friend, get it when it needs to be shared. 

They say a book is a gift you can open again and again, but personally, why would I want to when there is so much new and interesting stuff to read with the flick of a finger. Think about it.  Reading can be quite a meditative lonely habit while reading is also an interaction that keeps the mind alive and responsive. You write, I respond. I write, you respond. The more I read, the more I will know about you and the more we will write and share.

I do profess though that till the digital world hit me, I read and read and read all the books I could lay my hands on during train journeys from office to work and back each day. Today I see the same thing but it’s not a book it’s the mobile that’s taken its place.  I do agree that books are truly a man’s best friend. So all readers of books go ahead and get lost in the wonderful world of words.  Book lovers enjoy your books, while today I enjoy being a SWIFT lover (Sms, Whatsapp, Instagram, Face book and Tweet lover, you see).  

See you sometimes on the SWIFT train. I am waiting.

Laughter is the best medicine- who ever said that!!

Laughter is the best medicine- who ever said that. Some might say that laughter is a medicine to hide a hurt, some will say it frees me from sadness, some say it is an exercise to keep happy. Some fake it at social events.

So let me think this through. No one feels like laughing when they lose their spouse or job, no one sees the humour when someone is shown the door or when a relationship fails or when life throws you a bad curve.  Then how can it be a medicine. Such a myth isn’t it? Think about it. When did you last feel like laughing at such misfortunes? If you did laugh then it lasts only for a small window of time till those thoughts come rushing back. Laughter is simply is a means of distracting oneself at that time, that moment and then back to square one….but then there is the flip side to this medicine.  I for one can laugh at anything even myself and that I learnt from my late mom. My Mom never failed to see humour in anything. Walking down to the market with her was a humorous day as she could find something to laugh at. Some might say laughing at someone else’s expense is bad- how rude, but we laugh because mom taught us to laugh at ourselves and to make others laugh. I remember that day when we, sisters and cousin brother were sitting at her 'death' prayers in the fire temple when a young boy came in to pray and our eyes watched this gawky boy as he walked around praying..... and then it happened. Instead of touching each foot of God's photo, he spreads his index and middle finger and places one each at the feet and we burst into laughter and my cousin says “if Mami had been here she would be killing it laughing”.

Laughter is good and happy memories that sometimes burst forth. It is free fun and probably the best way to be de-stress. It is totally contagious and you can never escape that smile.  Laughter will definitely not remove the pain but it will lighten the burden if you let it.  You can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you’re laughing because it’s coming from the heart and not forced. People swear by its positive health effects and there are laughter clubs today making it truly the best medicine and I agree that there is a great deal of positivity in that thought.  So while it’s clear that some events are truly sad and not occasions to break into laughter, there are on the other hand, indeed some that deserve a dose of laughter medicine. There will be loads of those who can’t see humour in what you see. Think of those times when you are watching a movie and people around you are laughing hysterically and you are thinking “what’s so funny about that”. And it’s not like you can’t enjoy a good laugh but at that moment it just revolts you. You know, I have faced that myself and analyzed that situation and have realised that most times I don’t laugh in a movie it is because I am not in a mood to or tired, or had a hard day and just not relaxed enough or genuinely just can’t appreciate the humour. It’s just “ME” in that moment.  After all, we are all different anyways and we all laugh at different things, for different reasons or at different situations, don’t we?  So don’t carry that overpowering feeling of sadness or too much of pretend happiness....... after all it your life. Laugh only because you want to, when you want to, however loud you want.  It reminds me of a song from Mary Poppins "I love to laugh" that goes :

I love to laugh

It's getting worse every year

The more I laugh, the more I fill with glee

And the more the glee

The more I'm a merrier me

.......It is plain and simple. Laughter is a medicine for you to use. It is your choice when and where to use it.